When I was in my early twenties, I announced to my partner “I NEVER want to be a leader.”
At this point in my life, the term ‘leader’ conjured images of a bossy, brassy woman shouting down the phone: “If you don’t get that report over to me by 3 pm, Ethan, I swear to god we’re going to have a problem.” Essentially, I pictured Angelica’s mum, Cynthia, in the Rugrats.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that kind of person, per se. But as someone who has always been a little on the quieter side and who typically hangs back in group situations, I just couldn’t picture it for myself.
Now, I realise that I basically conflated the idea of a leader with being a manager. And, not just any type of manager — a micromanager. Who wants to be that?
It was ironic, then, that I ended up becoming deeply immersed in the topic of leadership — I just came in through the side entrance of self-development.
When I started working for myself as a freelance writer, I quickly had to learn to manage myself. No longer did I have someone keeping me accountable to meet deadlines. That responsibility fell squarely on my shoulders. And as someone who had (at the time, undiagnosed) ADHD, this was a steep learning curve.
I had to learn to find ways of working that fit my neurodivergent brain. How to break bigger tasks into smaller, more digestible chunks. How to set myself false deadlines, so that I wouldn’t leave everything to the last minute.
Essentially, I became the boss of myself.
Then, I started delegating things to other people — whether it was the design of my website, the social media management of my Instagram account, or sub-contracting content work to other writers. At one point, I even brought on some uni students as interns, to help with my blog.
Suddenly, I had to be more intentional about how I communicated. How to word briefs in a way that would get the best out of people, and minimise miscommunications. How to give praise and feedback in a way that would be welcomed.
Without even knowing it, I had been upskilling in all the things required to effectively lead yourself and others. Focus, vision, communication, and empathy, just to name a few.
Somewhere along the way, I started to share with others what I’d learned, too. I wrote and published a book called Progress Over Perfection: A Guide To Mindful Productivity, where I taught readers how to be more intentional about their time and energy.
I also launched an online course called Procrastinator to Action Taker, where I helped over 6500 students overcome the habit of self-sabotage. I also started coaching driven, sensitive women, one-on-one.
Now that I’m over a decade into my career, I have had some roles where I’ve been required to lead teams of freelancers/contractors. And surprisingly, I actually really enjoyed it. As it turns out, leading people doesn’t have to mean barking orders at people (who would have thought?) My natural inclination is to coach, and that’s a completely valid approach.
When I came across the term ‘self-leadership’ a few years ago, everything clicked into place.
Maike Neuhaus, ph.D defines self-leadership as:
“Self-leadership is the practice of understanding who you are, identifying your desired experiences, and intentionally guiding yourself toward them.”
It’s about knowing yourself and how you work best, so you can coach yourself to do the things you need to. And as it turns out, it’s an incredibly important skill — whether you’re self-employed or leading a team.
Research shows that self-leadership is essential for effective and authentic team leadership (Manz & Sims, 1991). Plus, research from Birdi et al. (2008) shows that autonomous people who can lead themselves are more productive and efficient, no matter what role they’re in.
If you want to lead others, you need to first be able to effectively lead yourself. Want to step up your skills in this arena? Here are the best 3 places to start:
1. Understand your strengths
Any good leader is going to take the time to understand their team members—their drives, communication styles, and preferred ways of working. The same goes for leading yourself.
How do you work best? Do you like to collaborate, or are you more of a ‘heads down and get stuff done’ kind of person? Which tasks get you into a flow state, and which ones make you want to hurl your laptop against the window? Having these insights will help you set yourself up for success.
I find that many ADHD women in particular believe they can’t lead themselves, because they don’t fit into traditional models of what productivity looks like. But in actual fact, their rebellious nature and unparalleled ability to go into hyperfocus mode (when they need to) is exactly what makes them such incredible self-leaders.
2. Forget about motivation
Motivation is NOT a prerequisite for self-leadership. It’s fleeting and can’t be relied on, even for neurotypical people. You don’t even necessarily have to be disciplined to be a great self-leader or to have ‘willpower’ (yet another thing that doesn’t exist!). You just need to have effective work habits that work for you and your unique tendencies.
3. Cultivate resilience
If there’s one thing all great leaders have in common, it’s a growth mindset. Challenges are inevitable, but the ability to bounce back and learn from them is essential. Self-leadership is about shepherding yourself through life’s obstacles, and not letting perceived ‘failure’ sabotage your future attempts. You can read my article about designing resilience here.
“Nope, that ain’t me,” I remember saying in that early conversation with my partner. “I’m not a leader, I just like to get things done. And look, maybe, on a good day, I like to inspire others to get things done too. But apart from that, no.”
As it turned out, I had actually been leading, all along. I had just been leading a team of one.
-Emma Norris, founder of The Progress Co